What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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