I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
