my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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