And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
