This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
