I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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