i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
