she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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