Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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