I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
