I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
