Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
