that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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