woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
