I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
