I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
