she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
