so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
