Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
