Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
