Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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