ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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