So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
