i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
