lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
