Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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