My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
