its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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