My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
