my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
