Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
