I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
