I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
