I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
