I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
