Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
