in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
