sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
