YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
