Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
