I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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