oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
