I accidentally had phone sex last night
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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