Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
FUCK WHALES
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
