I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
