porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
