im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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