I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
