And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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