Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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