I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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