...so i touched it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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