I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
