If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
