I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
