My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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