I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
