We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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