At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
