Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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