Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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