I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
