So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
