Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
