the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
