Your mouth is God's brothel.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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