3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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