He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
