Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
