Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
