my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
