Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
