She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
