Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
