It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
