planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
