I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
