chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
