Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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